Not Liking this

So I worked so hard to lose 30 pds. I thought I looked great, and I felt great.
And now, 10 weeks into this pregnancy I have gained over 5 pds in my belly and boobs.
My uterus tends to grow big, it always did. With the other kids I measured 4 weeks at least ahead.
So why I am surprised.
But, I am having a hard time dealing with the fat look.
It does not look like I am pregnant, it looks like I am fat.
None of my clothes fit, my scrubs are tight (good thing I kept the ones from pre-weight loss)
I bought a few mat. dresses and thats all I have. Of course the weather cooled off, not good for summer dresses.
I do not have extra money to spend at this time on clothes.
I am trying to borrow some off my best friend.
All my mat clothes are large and xl. I am a med. now. I am not depressing myself further by wearing those!!!!
Ugh.
I know I am growing a baby, but I still feel like I am getting too big too fast.
I am still sick. I am ok during the day, when I work, but evening kills me.
I have no energy still and can sleep all the time.
so tell me, how can i get myself to exercise when I want to puke or sleep lol.
I keep telling myself in 2 weeks when I hit trimester 2, things may ease off.
then I can start exercising to lose some of the pudge lol.
I pray this happens.
I do not want to gain as much as I did with arianna.
I eat small meals, often. as if I let my stomach get empty I will start throwing up my own saliva.
It is a lose lose situation for me. SIGH
this is a real pity post for me.
I am REALLY having a hard time gaining this weight :(
I do not know how to deal. It just makes me cry.


Ok enough of that.
I am so proud of my little Arianna.
She passed her swimming class again. She is in the last level for preschool.
She can swim laps, front stroke and back stroke. She can dive. It is amazing to how much her confidence shot up. she can be in deep water now, and swim free!!! No need to worry. It is wonderful.

We are preparing for the visit of my mother in law and niece Lara.
They will be with us for over a week.
The kids are so excited.
We have many fun things planned, including playland, waterslides, beach, canada day parade and fair, and more!
I have 6 days off, I just work the friday. So it will be a nice break for all of us.

I am counting down until I no longer have to follow a schedule. I am tired! I think the LATEST I will go off on Mat leave will be Dec 1. But the physical demand of my job may make that earlier.
I was asked to start working in Day surgery. But, I am not sure I want to start a new unit at this time. I have some shifts booked for Sept. so I need to decide. It is easier there, but considering I may not work often after mat. leave and I do not have many months left at work now, is there a point?! I just dont know.....

Well, its ariannas year end party at school today. We are bringing veggies and dip.
she has 3 days left until grade one! wow....
and my baby james will be in kindergarten! :(
Good thing I have a baby coming to be home with me lol.